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HOW TO DEAL WITH THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE

by Soha Juneja

When we trust in God, we submit our will to his and trust that his way is better than ours: “Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can.” — Ezra Taft Benson

When you find yourself in a situation that is leaving you stressed, unfulfilled, or otherwise disempowered, I suggest taking a moment to disassociate from the problem/situation and focus on the big picture.
Not “liking” something is a state of resistance

How many times have you complained about something only to reminisce about it after you’ve been through it?

Think of school times. We complained about teachers, boring homework, stressful exams, and parents meeting, right? How many times have you said that you miss school ever since?

“I hate this, why do I have to do this mountain of work in my work from home during COVID”

“I don’t understand why we have to beat my head about what to cook every day”

“Arrrgh! I have to take that client call and my favourite TV show is around the same time!”

These are the Mental Conversation we have with ourselves during tough times. Do the things that we complain about really matter in years to come? I doubt so. But they prevent us from enjoying life as it is. Life is not meant to be easy but we can all live a good life if we allow ourselves to.
Without acceptance in the present, we are blind to opportunities for growth in the future. Rather than resent or reject the thing you dislike, seek to observe it with equanimity. “It is what it is. Wishing something to be different does nothing. If you can see it clearly and accept it as is, only then can you do something about it.”

On this road to loving something which you don’t like, there are a few things to keep in mind:

Develop a Compassionate Attitude

Empathy allows us to change our “me”-centred perspective and see the situation from the mind of another person. However, sometimes knowing what the other person feels or even feeling with them, is not enough to change our response. Science shows that it is compassionate empathy, the wish for the other to not suffer, that moves us to action and opens us to reconsider our role in the situation.

See the Learning Curve

Developing a “growth mindset”, Dr.Carol Dweck has done extensive research and has also written books on the importance of growth mindset, one that sees learning as a plant that grows and blossoms with the right nourishment. A growth mindset allows us to see our mistakes as life lessons that help us refine our behaviours and become better versions of ourselves every time. A fixed mindset, on the other hand, makes us defensive of our actions and quick to lay the blame on others.

KEEP MOVING FORWARD

No one truly enjoys being in a situation that is causing them significant mental, emotional, or physical distress.  If someone does seem to “enjoy” this form of suffering, it is likely that they truly desire something else (e.g., attention, love, belonging) and are ineffective at getting their true needs met.
We always have three clear choices when things don’t go our way: accept it, change it, or leave it. There is great freedom in recognizing your ability to reduce suffering in this way. The next time that you find yourself in a situation that is causing you discomfort or distress, remember that you have a choice about how to respond to the reality

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